Time for an Ugly (but good) Cry...

1989 Time

Last night summed up in a quote from a 1989 classic clutch film: 


"One question: do you need... someone, or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't really care."  


~Lloyd Dobler


(Cheesy, I know. Deal.)

Life Is Not Tried It Is Merely Survived If...

I needed this reminder. Time for me to hop back into the fire. 

(watch the video, then click play again and follow the lyrics. You won't regret it...I promise.)

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame 
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

[Chorus:]
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire

Final

Wow. I guess ranting works. Divorce is final. 

Onward and upward. 

Closure?

Why is it so freaking important that we have closure? Driving myself nuts waiting by the mailbox every day...waiting for the all powerful judge to say my marriage is officially, over. Why is that so important? I mean, I've known for a while, Trav has known for a while. So why the fuss over a piece of paper? Why the stupid knot in my stomach? 


I've done my share of mourning, crying, it's all old news. Well mostly old. Okay halfway old...? Please?  :)


Within a week, I'll be divorced...single...half of a whole. Then what? Start working on plan B of my "Happily Ever After?" A dumb little voice in my head says rather loudly, "It's time to start now.:" Bleh.


Another voice in my head (yeah there are more than one...insert sarcastic comment here) is a friend who told me, "You found a way to get what you want once, now go get it again!" Easy peasy. Bleh.

So here I go...well, maybe tomorrow. After I check the mail.

Better to Laugh Than to Cry...

This is my way of telling my friends about my stuff (some already have an idea, but are afraid to ask, or bring it up). Nutshell--Yeah, sometimes it's hell, but 99% of the time I'm fine...I promise!

'Nuff Said